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Audubon Lang Syne
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Misty-eyed, but Practical dammit...
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An interesting article about the new golf course appeared in the Time-Picayune on July 25, 2001
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The columnist, Angus Lind, is misty-eyed in his reminiscences about the old course.
"It was my escape", "It was where I headed when I had problems to work out" ,
"It was my second home".
Nonetheless, he considers that 120 year-old oak trees and unspoilt open parkland can be
compared to the "trusty family station wagon with 190,000 miles on the clock" and concludes
lamely "So long old friend."
However, in uncritically promoting the new golf course
and related redevelopment, the Times-Picayune printed some details - at last! - of what
the new plan involves. Here are some highlights.
(The Picayune is quoted below - and no, we didnt make any of this up.
Our rejoinders follow each bald-faced claim)
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"Picture a golf course with different elevations,
slopes, mounds, lots of sand traps, four new lagoons to complement the old
lagoon and a variety of new trees"
Picture leaving the historic
local live-oak trees alone.
Picture five garbage-choked, weed-infested,
stagnant lagoons instead of just one.
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"Picture a beautiful entranceway off Magazine Street
through a grove of oaks to a classy new clubhouse..."
Picture a grove of
oaks where people can walk just as they always have without
being mown down by a conventioneer in a rental car.
Picture a new clubhouse, so classy that you can't afford to get in!
(no joke, green fees are scheduled to double or triple to pay for all this class)
- "Picture some of the best greens in the city
and lush fairways with concrete cart paths"
No, seriously,
the "concrete cart paths" are meant to be an attraction.
(Well I guess speed is of the essence when you've gotta get back
to the Convention Center for the second half of the "Private Profit
over Public Interest for Dummies" seminar)
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"Welcome to the new Audubon Golf Course,
opening in October 2002."
Welcome to the new "Audubon Executive Spa and Laptop Refuelling Center ™",
opening sometime in the next millenium.
Did you notice how long it took to build the
concrete duck-launching pad behind the bandstand?
I swear, no one's going to be zooming down them concrete paths until 2004
at the earliest.
In the interests of balanced reporting,
the Picayune goes on to interview Dale Stastny
(Executive Vice President and CEO of the Audubon "Nature" Institute),
Carlos Cashio (landscape designer of the new course),
and Stan Stopa (Audubon Golf Club's resident Tiger).
They also interviewed hundreds of local residents and park users,
but their incessant whining about the loss of public land and the sell-out
of the course to the Institute's profitability agenda was just too
dull to be printed - even in the Times-Picayune.
Anyway, there's plenty of good balanced commentary to be found
among the thoughts of these objective observers:
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"It's going to be a high-quality executive golf course,
and I think the best thing that can be said about it is: What you have come to expect
from the zoo and aquarium you can expect from this golf course"
(Stan Stopa)
Uh, you mean when there's a really big golf day there's gonna
be cars parked all over the grass on both sides of Magazine Street?
At what exact point in the middle of Magazine Street will the rock music blaring
from the new clubhouse meet the rock music blaring from the zoo?
- "The project will cost just under $6 million"
The project will cost well-over $5 million (anybody got a kid in school around here)
?
- "This is a course where you will have to use every club in your bag" (Dale Stastny)
The way the fees are going to increase, it won't be long before you have to sell the clubs
and the bag, just to get a game.
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"There will be no annual membership or monthly membership but there will be some discount
books sold"
Just because you live here doesn't mean you can be a member
of the club. That might give you priority or something over the visitors
that we need to make a buck...
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"There is definitely a 'build it and they will come' attitude...
Audubon will get the word out to the tourist industry and the hotels, making them
aware of what will be available in the fall of 2002 for tourists and conventioneers"
This is good news?
How does crowding the Audubon
course with "tourists and conventioneers" benefit the local golf-playing
public?
Suppose we build it and they don't come - will the Audubon
Institute build a Walmart on what's left of the park to pay their debts?
Suppose we build it and they do come, do we want that?
- "The style of the [new] clubhouse... could have an Acadian cottage
look, possibly a Vieux Carre feel... and will reflect the
architectural style of the area."
You mean, you are going to to take a
genuine New Orleans landmark that is over 100 years old and replace it
with a sparkling new themepark, complete with a Disneyfied "Acadian cottage look"
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Are you joking?
And here's the kicker...
- "The course will provide a beautiful view for people
using the park in other ways"
Meaning, we suppose, enjoy the 'view' because it isn't your park anymore.
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